What IT’S like….the tell all….

I open the link and begin to  read….someone is  sharing something deep… it’s fresh in the light after years of being hidden, a sort of tragedy of life and choice, an opening  of self for others to witness the moment, their moment when their life was cut and shattered….it reminds me of my moment… fear black and thick like tar and everywhere…  The scene  where innocence was spilled, their innocence, my innocence…and in that moment after years of scraping to find out the truth without even knowing there was truth, feeling all alone, nothing but a shell of a human body holding only a tape recorder playing over and over…. the verses of reproach and retaliation, lies written as prose and poetry trying to make a rhythm that was never written for me but someone had decided needed to be played in my presence, and tried to put my name on it.  Then in that moment with the darkness and the stench of my own choices, There… who knew?  i was given the same amount of Grace and Salvation as all the others.  He wasn’t counting my mistakes, He wasn’t holding out on me…He was however plowing the pit before me so I could find Him.

It is an intense, time stand still, breaking of yoke and bondage, life giving and earth shattering tell all of a moment when life was forever brought back…..i read these tragic stories of heart and soul, feeling like I’m there with them in the depths before the light comes to warm us and seeing that first gasp of air brought deep into the lungs, eyes wide wondering if it will be enough to sustain…if there will be enough time to take another gasp before the thickness comes back.

i feel stretched. you see i don’t have one tragic detail or choice but many. my muse wasn’t just drugs, sex,.abortions, rebellion, betrayal and years of wasted time..it was all of those things and probably more. but the scarlet, secret hidden behind vulnerability and abandonment of the fear of man is that it doesn’t matter the list how short or long, magnitude of or deceptive level of wrong, what matters is the transformation and testimony that gives glory to Jesus. you see the breath is important…it is used to speak of it.  all of it.  so I will continue to share ALL that He did for me and ALL the mess I got myself into because hiding it even one part steals from the beauty of the air and the breath that was brought down from way up high just for me…my story, His story, our story.  it matters.  they all matter.  keep on telling them.  in your way.  in your words. no fear of man.  no record players.  only dirty hearts saved with clean hands, beating again…..with our surname engraved with the blood of the one who died for us, in The Book of Life.  forever more.

Hello world!

Welcome!  Come sit and relax.  Breathe in the love and beauty of the powerful whisper of God.

He is here.  Waiting for you to come.  Sit with Him and let Him care for you.

This is Home.  Sometimes crazy, sometimes tossed around in the moments of living, but it’s always authentic and covered in prayer.  I hope you find rest and comfort for your soul here.  I hope you find a better option than the one the status quo is handing you.  I hope you see the beauty that YOU are and find the source of life that is HIM.

Lean in, draw close.  He promises to respond.

Carey

“Above all else GUARD your heart….”Proverbs 4:23

Little by little the enemy seeps in and steals our weapons without us even realizing it.

Little by little we can begin to compromise our standards until we look back and realize how far away we’ve stepped from our sure footing.

Little by little we can begin to lean in, blend in and flow with the culture around us.

Little by little we are loosing our way, the Way.

It’s easy to do!  It’s easy to want to please those around us.  It’s easy to try and be polite, but it’s the fear of man that leads us into the land where men make their own rules and foundations are built on sinking sand.  Then before you know it, you’re struggling to breath.

We must gather back together and realign as a strong, fortified unit; as a family.  This begins first in our marriage and then it trickles down to our children as they witness first hand the solid structure in truth and unity.

“How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity! It is like precious oil poured on the head, running down on the beard, running down on Aaron’s beard, down on the collar of his robe. It is as if the dew of Hermon (the tallest mountain in the region, noted for it’s abundant precipitation) were falling on Mount Zion. For there the Lord bestows his blessing, even life forevermore.” Psalm 133:1-3

We must look to our husbands/wives, the Bible, spirit-filled leaders, and God himself to reaffirm what it looks like (The Vision) to be who God has called us to be.  We will need from time to time reinforcements and reminders because we will be going against the grain.  We will be ruffling feathers.  We will be walking on territory that others will stand and block but with the voice of God we must continue on.

Little by little we get fueled up and suited up, armed and stronger than before, to go back out and set things right.

Little by little we start stepping back into alignment with the True voice of God and thus bringing our homes and family back into alignment with victory, purpose, vision and JOY.

Little by little we blaze a new path and tare down strongholds and iniquities, allowing The Vision of God to resurface and ultimately prevail.

Proverbs 2:2 Turn your ears to wisdom.

Proverbs 29:18 Where there is no vision, the people perish.

Habakkuk 2:2-3 Write the vision and make it plain on tablets, that he may run who reads it. For the vision is yet for an appointed time; But at the end it will speak and it will not lie. Thought it tarries, wait for it; because it will surely come.

A Parenting side note:  YOU influence your children.  Do not rest that mantle (a covering given by God) on anyone else. Do not allow anyone else to take it from you.  It is yours to carry, uphold and reinforce.  Wear it well.  It was made for YOU.

“Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home, and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” Deuteronomy 11:19

That mantle is yours to respect and honor.  Do not diminish the calling.  Do not waste the mantle.  For without it,  your children may never fully develop into their calling and gifting.  Do we understand our role as parents or are we falling prey to the theft and destruction found in wayward influences?  Oh the power of the diligent pursuit of the child’s heart by the parent.  We get one chance.

Stand up, Stand firm and do not compromise the vision God has shown YOU.  Write it down, read it, allow it to sustain you through thick and thin. Hold on and do not give up!  Lay claim to your flock and continue onward and upward.  In Jesus name!

It’s Time to Talk about the Battle….Your Battle. If you are not fighting your battle, then you are not winning.

I feel like someone should talk about the battle.  You know the one.  Yes, that one. Oh wait…not that one…..I’m talking about Your Battle!

It seems as though I wake every day in search for beauty;  praying, seeking to find the glory of God.  However, I don’t always share about the battle.  Today it’s time…to talk about the Battle.

Charles Finney said, “If you have the Spirit of God (in you), you must make up your mind to accept experiencing opposition, both in the church and in the world.”

He also said, “You must expect very frequent and agonizing conflicts with Satan.”

I agree sometimes the church can over talk Satan.  Maybe give him too much credit. And then we can also not speak of Him at all which makes us dull and unaware of his schemes and motives which leaves us vulnerable to attack and theft.   However much we talk about him right or wrong, the Bible is clear.  We are to put on the full armor of God because we do not fight against flesh and blood but of the principalities of darkness.

So…the Battle.  We are all in one, and we are all in one at all times. The Good news is the war has already been won.  We ARE victorious.  This gives us the advantage to fight with beauty and grace although it doesn’t always look beautiful and graceful.

More good news… “The Joy of the Lord is our Strength.” I love how He gives us Joy as our strength.  …just sit on that for a moment.  If you are fighting from a place of ..what’s the opposite of Joy…saddness?..then that’s not giving you the power you need to win.

He does desire Joy for us on this earth.  So we can fight with Joy as our strength.  We do not have to be sluggards and bitter, tired and beat down.  We can fight from place of JOY because we ARE victorious.  Those are good words! Hold them close.

A little while back at a Bible study, the leader called me out.  She set me apart during the class and spoke a Word over me.  Her Words filled a void, answered a longing question and prompted me to embrace the one thing I had been oppressing in myself.   (Gotta love it when the Church does what it is suppose to do…speak encouragement, affirmation and edify one another.) That Word she spoke over me, still to this day rings like a sounding board in me when I struggle in the fight of life…. “Ferocity“.   I know it’s who I am.  I knew it the moment she spoke it.  Finally, it was all starting to make sense.  I know it’s how God fashioned me.  I know it is part of my character for a reason, however it can become a thorn in my day when I need to be gentle and slow to anger…so goes the battle…

Word Origin and History for ferocity

n.

c.1600, from French férocité, from Latin ferocitatem (nominative ferocitas)“fierceness,” from ferocis, oblique case of ferox “wild, bold, courageous,warlike, fierce,” literally “wild-looking,” a derivative of ferus “wild” (seefierce ) + -ox, -ocem (genitive -ocis), a suffix meaning “looking or appearing” (cognate with Greek ops “eye, sight”).

…..so it begins….

The battle of wielding the sword (for every woman), fighting for what is hers and for what is…her.  Sometimes the biggest battle is figuring out who we are.  Why we are the way we are.  Is there a purpose in that?  In me?  And using that very God given drive, strength, dignity and identity that He laid in her foundation, in the dark places, in secret and THEN knowing how to mold that to a little one who is depending on this wild woman to help him learn his ABCs and 123’s.

The tempting voice of the condemner wants to discredit her beauty in battle, her grace in the place of home and battle field.  “You don’t belong here…or there!”  “You don’t belong.”  …and so the lie goes….

However…learning is best observed in teaching and doing….applying that which is being seeded, weeded, crafted and set in motion for the work of the Lord.

God is molding me, teaching me, using me, in two very different worlds.  He is letting me practice and fail, practice and succeed, ask for forgiveness, lead while learning and explain the process to little ones who are also becoming sharp to their own identity and calling.

These little ones left to my attention and tending to, to shepherd and care for, they are witnessing first hand the drive and ambition of a woman, a mom, who believes in the things of Heaven, longs for peaceful walks in the park, sits with her God in the morning, sings His praises and prays without ceasing.  They also see just as brightly the faults, the sin, the struggle.  The voice of doubt when the sun goes down and all Truth seems so far from grasp…but they see her rise, not more than a moment in the shadow does she stay before she comes ablaze reminded of where her Help comes from.  She knows, I know she doesn’t care for this world with human eyes, but eyes seen from above with perspective yet again from her true Helper.  and because of this….

They will answer the Call.  They are being built up and trained along side of me.  They are seeing the real fight.  They will be warriors.  Isn’t that we want for our kids.  Strong individuals who will fight for what they believe in?  Who will fight for truth and justice..who will look failure in the face and say, thanks, I think I get it now.

More on the daily battle….

I am easily stimulated and highly sensitive to the things around me.  I am now realizing that is a strength in the Spirit however can also be a thorn in my side during the day-to-day with four boisterous, strong willed people inside a small house.

My heart and life’s call  (at least in this season) is centered on my family. I home school which means I am daily, constantly striving (i know that can be a “bad” word in some Christian circles)to meet the mind and heart needs of those inside these four walls; pouring into the lives of my children and my marriage as I know He is preparing us for deeper walks out in the world.  My mission (what I am sowing into) is in guiding and teaching, dwelling on truth and finding content that provides the atmosphere to hear His voice.  My intent is for each one of us to position ourselves so deeply in the calling of God that nothing will shake us, nothing will move us, nothing will keep us from boldly stepping foot into the place He has set before us.  Heart, mind, body and soul prepared and loved up; fed and saturated; strong and diligent, mighty and vigilant!  WOW…that’s a lot.  🙂

This is the battle.  Because everything in this world; everything seeing us from the dark side sets out to hinder and oppose the Good fight.  Don’t you see?…the enemy wants us on the sidelines, complacent, unaware of our surroundings.  He wants us dull and inattentive.  Maybe that’s you right now…maybe you’ve given up for a short time or a long time….but it’s never to late to pick up your sword or to lay back claim to your bow and arrow. He will strengthen your aim.  It’s ok..  We all need a break…He knows we all fall.  It’s the getting back up that makes the real difference.

Personally – DAILY -my ears need a break.  Personally – DAILY -my heart needs a break and my body needs a break.  It is demanding work, building a home with hearts and minds and bodies that are strong and focused on Good; trained up in the way that goes against the grain, every day.  If someone out there is making it look easy…don’t be fooled.  It’s hard work.  But honestly…there is rest for the weary.  There is a due season upon us all.  If we do not give up we will reap our harvest.  There is a resting season.  There is a feasting season.  There is joy in every season.  Do not fall prey to the lies of the enemy.

IT IS WORTH IT.

There is a fight going on daily in this home.  There is opposition daily in this home because there is a movement happening in this home.

My mornings are God’s.  My whole day is devoted to God, but I feed on Him in the morning.  I seek Him and ask Him what He wants.  And then, I get out of my chair and the war begins.  He fills me with the fortitude to take my Spiritual strength that is so much a part of me and mold it so it is touchable and tangible for living and growing and serving others.

He built me Ferocious…I just know it.  There is a side of me deep down that roars with the Lion of Judah.  I feel the passion and the burn deep inside for righteousness, for peace, for justice, for freedom and also for just a moment of QUIET.  This is my battle daily.

The enemy knows one of my biggest strengths in the Spirit is actually one of my daily struggles in the natural.  I can fight effectively in Prayer , protect and be watchful on the wall over my family, friends, community, country…. with a ferocity that makes the enemy shiver and run.  But when that kind of Spiritual warfare is over, I have to realize the opposition on this Earth and in this home is very real too; however with patience and fortitude, I am victorious over the daily grind as I lead little ones to the Well.

Your battle is real.  Your God is real.  Your calling and strength was set in you for a reason.  Let yourself be JOYFUL and strong in Him and fight for what is yours.  Don’t settle for the way of the road most traveled.  Find your calling in Him and go for it.  It will be worth it.

In the depths with God…..Part 1

There is a place, a connection, a spot created specifically for today – for us – to meet with Him…God, our Father.

There is something He wants to tell us.  A specific thing about our lives, our future, our family, our home, our nation, our hopes, our dreams…..

He wants to talk with us about these things.  His desire to reach us in the deepest places of our wants and needs is very real.  All it takes is a moment devoted to Him, to listen to His heart.  Do we struggle with knowing if He’s real?  Even the most devoted christians struggle with wondering …is this really GOD?

Does He really take the time to care and communicate to His children?

Last night I was at an event where the speaker and the worship artist communicated the same message…one with words, the other with paint.  Neither one had to plan a thing.  They each chose to TRUST God to do the planning.  They were completely surrendered to HIM.  COMPLETELY.

That’s when we see the FACE of God and the GLORY of God fall and transform the atmosphere…when we ALLOW HIM to do so.

That’s when we hear from God.

It’s in the scary moments when we aren’t sure, but we trust anyway.  Maybe it’s in the dyer straights when we’ve given everything else a chance and nothing else has worked…

It’s in those moments….PRECIOUS moments….

That moment we allow the still small voice of God to resonate within us without passing it off, but instead we give a second glance and sit with Him; trusting, wishing, hoping….what if…what IF…

THAT -IS – HIM!  What if…HE is speaking to me?

And then the Words fall on us and we grab them and we hold them (because they are beautiful) and we tend to them and we cherish them the way He does with us.

The Words of God are tender because HE is tender and He wishes for us to be comforted are protected by His Words.

His WORDS become a refuge, a strong hold, a banner over us.

Then something or someone comes in and for a moment, we step out from under our banner and we look up at the scorching heat and the arrows that fly and we, suddenly… we are aware like never before of our nakedness and equally aware of HIS beautiful protection and GRACE.

He says to us…”not yet child.  not yet.  Remain in Me.  Remain under my LOVE and I will go BEFORE you.  You never have to walk alone.  Never again.  Trust me.”

Hope is Yours if you want It…

Hope…with it we will expect the desires of our heart.

Hope…without it we will deplete the Earth of the breath and plan of Heaven.

Hope…with it we live looking up!

Hope…without it we look down in despair and miss the fulfillment of His promises.

Hope….with it we love others and share in their good fortune.

Hope…without it we become jealous and callous to others.

Hope….with it we thrive and shout for Joy at what’s to come.

Hope…without it we survive and forget to sing of His greatness.

FIND HOPE TODAY and DON’T LET IT GO!

Home Matters….

Your work is needed.  

GO ahead, make your mark!

ALLOW THE WONDERING, SEARCHING HAND TO PRESS ON…TO MAKE THE MARK, TO LEAVE THE PRINT, TO DISCOVER WHAT’S ON THE OTHER SIDE OF FEAR.

Live Heavenly, even in the depths of this world.

The impact we as parents make…

We model what they will take and re-create.

With honest desire to FLY they will take apart and remake, discover on their own, their own way.

We set the tone.

We start the song.

We hand them the throne.

We show them, us alone.

May they see us with dirt on our faces and smiles that light up the places.

May we expose them to real Life,

real breathing intimacy…

May they see us

Live Heavenly.